Alot Going On

I've not posted much aside from my "To Every Thing a Season" series, but it's been very hectic. Now that I'm about half way through the story, I thought I'd post about everything else that's been going on in my life. Here's a quick look:

Ankle: Still in therapy (sometimes therapy hurts like the dickens!), had last appointment with Orthopedic surgeon-copasetic.

Bladder: Likely having surgery in March. Muy mal.

Fibromyalgia: bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.....

Liver: Holding my bated breath while waiting on results of recent blood work. This will tell the tale about coming off my much needed Elmiron therapy.

Allergies: What allergies? All these problems I've been having with coughing, sneezing, tightness in my throat are due to...well...not allergies. I had testing done yesterday and I wasn't allergic to one single thing, not even house dust, and it's a good thing. I'd be dead!! So, the hunt is still on to determine the source of the throat tightness and difficulty swallowing. I wonder if my gastroenterologist wants to admit he's wrong about no reflux?

Daniel's Arthritis: Neck stiff as cement, right hip very stiff, but knees are better thanks to mountain biking.

Yes, all I have done the past two weeks is go to doctor appointments. Five this week, 3 last week, three scheduled for next week, and four the week after that. IF Good Lord willing and the pocketbook holds up!!!

On a much happier note, on Valentine's day, my sweetie sent me a huge vase of tulips. I can't seem to get my pictures to upload, but they were beautiful. And we also went to a Valentine's Banquet in Easley SC at Open Door Baptist Church. We had a wonderful steak dinner, and afterwords, Kevin gave a devotion on the home. One of my favorite subjects, and I love to hear my husband preach about it! Plus, we always enjoy the great fellowship with the Bryson family!

Lastly, to all that have taken my quiz, thanks for doing so. I plan to change the questions soon. I'm amazed at the people who have scored so well, yet I don't know them by name. Come on folks, put your real names! I'm glad you're following my blog, and I'd love to know who you really are! After all, if you scored a 70%-90%, you know me pretty well! And don't be afraid to leave comments. Your view is always invited and welcome!

Please keep reading. There's more to come with "To Every Thing a Season." Stay warm and dry this weekend, especially in Georgia. We're having a wet weekend. If any of you readers are in a warmer hemisphere, think of me!

A Time to Die...To Every Thing a Season chpt. 8

The next morning, Kevin and I were up early. It was November 2, 2005. The anticipation was more than we could stand. The appointment was scheduled for noon, so I had to get my children over to my sister's house before we had to leave at 10:30.

That morning, Kevin had come to the strong realization that things were much worse than what Sandra and Jackie had been telling us. He was crushed inside, but just as he cautioned me, he didn't want to borrow trouble that wasn't ours...yet.

Watching Jackie get Sandra ready for her visit in Columbia was particularly difficult. Here was a man that needed two new lungs dragging a wheelchair around with an oxygen tank slung over his arm. She had a "sliding" board that helped her get from the hospital bed to the wheelchair, from the wheelchair to the car, etc. She couldn't place weight on her legs for more than a few seconds, so her board was essential.

About a year prior to all of this, Sandra and Jackie had their swimming pool filled in. Jackie had so much trouble keeping it up because of his health. It wasn't worth the trouble anymore. Since Sandra had been sick, Jackie was parking his Buick on the spot the swimming pool was at. It ended up being a much needed help and blessing because their yard was sloped. There was about 20 stairs from the parking area to the back door, so the pool being gone was a good thing!

Jackie and Sandra had about 4 vehicles. Jackie loved old Cadillacs, and had two of them, but his Buick Regal was the easiest thing to get Sandra in and out of. Just about 2 weeks before Sandra started having the severe back pain, Jackie had bought her a new 2005 Toyota Forerunner. He paid cold hard cash, but she only got to drive it once. The vehicle was almost useless, except for the fact that Sandra planned on driving it again.

While we were on our way to The South Carolina Oncology Center of Columbia, Sandra was unusually quiet. Kevin drove for Jackie, and Sandra and I sat in the back seat. She tried to make conversation about the kids, but fear was etched in her face. When we finally arrived, she was very tense. Actually, all of us were very tense.

The Oncology Center was a huge outfit, a massive building. As we made our way to the entrance, I immediately noticed the bald women who proudly went without scarves on their heads. I suppose it was a hallmark sign that they were fighting this disease that was desperately trying to kill them. There were just as many women walking around with scarves on their heads. To my amazement, all of them looked strong, like they were capable of the fight in which they were engaged. But Sandra, she looked so feeble.

One of the most striking things about the appearance of the Oncology Center was the wall of windows that lined the waiting area. Had it not been such a cloudy day, the waiting room would have been flooded with sunlight. It was a nice touch for a place that often delivered such devastating news. As we anxiously sat in the waiting area, I longed to feel the comfort of what that wall of windows was capable of delivering; the feeling of life, the comfort of sunshine, the promise of a blue sky, the hope of a tomorrow. But just like the darkness I had felt the night before, all the windows could offer was the ugly reality of ominous clouds.

The four of us tried to read magazines to occupy our time. Finally, a nurse called Sandra's name. We all scrambled toward the nurse as she led us to a lab area. She drew some blood from Sandra. While she was doing that, I expressed my anxiety to Kevin. He looked pale. Fearing that Sandra would see the concern on our faces, I said no more.

We were escorted back out to the waiting area and told that she would be called back to a room shortly. We settled back in our seats. Sandra sighed and rested her chin on her fist, looking as if she was ready to get the whole thing over with.

I sat there, wondering how we would take "the news." I looked over to my right and saw an enormous fish tank. In fact, there were several just like it throughout the waiting area. The sound of the tank was so relaxing, giving the room an ambient atmosphere. I stared at the fish, admiring their beautiful colors.

It all seemed like the ultimate betrayal. All this "evidence" of life and warmth in a place where death seemed to reign. In my eyes, it was so deceptive, so misleading. It was as if the Center was trying to equate cancer with life, yet no compatibility existed between the two. I wanted to stand up and scream, "I'm not buying it! This is a place of death sentences and heartache! Not a place of life!" Of course, I knew the image of life was conducive to the patients, but I felt like it wouldn't help Sandra. Inside, she was already a dead woman.

"Sandra Davis?" My thoughts were broken. Kevin, Jackie, and I quickly rose to our feet. Jackie wheeled Sandra through the door that led to the examination rooms. We were led to a room by a kind nurse who made sure we all had a place to sit. She assured us that Dr. Mushtaq would be in shortly. In less than 5 minutes, the doctor entered the room.

Dr. Mushtaq introduced himself and talked directly to Sandra.

"And can you please introduce me to your family?" he said.

After the introductions, he asked Sandra if he was free to speak of her condition with us present in the room. She nodded yes. He took a seat right beside me.

He slowly opened her chart and began reading out loud her previous surgeries. He was fairly young, and I couldn't help but wonder how many times he had delivered bad news to families just like ours. His voice was slow and deliberate. It was maddening how slow he spoke; it was as if his hesitation signaled his dread.

"Mrs. Davis, you had surgery 2 weeks ago on your C5 vertebrae. We biopsied the vertebrae...and..." He literally stopped.

Sandra was wringing her hands while Jackie was looking expectantly at the doctor. Kevin's foot was nervously twitching. My mouth was dry. I swallowed hard, fighting the tears that were sure to come.

"And...the biopsy... is... showing... cancer in your spine." For such a short sentence, it seemed to take an eternity to get out of his mouth. All of us were hanging onto every single syllable.

Sandra calmly replied with, "Okay, " but the inflection on the end indicated that she expected more news.

He continued. "We also found a tumor in your right breast that we believe may be the source of your cancer. However, the abdominal CT scan showed a mass on your gallbladder and on your stomach. Cancer in any of those regions could have spread to your spine, but we think it may be breast cancer that has metastasized to your spine."

Sandra began to cry, and with that, we were all crying. Dr. Mushtaq reached over to Sandra and gently patted her arm. He told her that he didn't know all the answers but that God did. He gave all of us Kleenex and continued to talk.

He told Sandra that she would need to have a breast biopsy first. Since the team of doctors at the South Carolina Oncology Center felt that it was the primary source, they would focus on that first. They said that she would have to have radiation for the cancer in her spine, which is always indicative of metastatic cancer.

When the time came for questions, we were all speechless. We were still crying and reeling from the news. I finally asked, "If the cancer is in the gallbladder, can't you just remove the gallbladder?"

Dr. Mushtaq explained that if the cancer in her spine had metastasized from her gallbladder, it would have spread to the surrounding organs. It would be a much worse prognosis. He basically explained that breast cancer would be the best case scenario and that the mass in her stomach and gallbladder may very well be benign. The worse case scenario was that it was breast cancer that had metastasized to the spine and to the gallbladder and stomach. Even worse, there was a possibility that it was three separate cases of cancer. Further tests would tell the tale.

One thing was certain; the cancer she had was very aggressive. The doctor avoided telling us how long she had or what her chances of survival were, but he repeatedly told us that the cancer was "very aggressive." And from all we had learned, we knew that the prognosis was dim.

After scheduling her radiation treatments and upcoming tests and biopsies, we headed home. We all loaded up in the car and tried to get back to I-20. As we worked our way through the maze like parking lot, I looked over at Sandra. She looked at me as if to say, "It figures...." I grabbed her hand and told her that it would be alright. She shrugged her shoulders like I child with a "whatever" attitude. It broke my heart.

On the way home, she quietly said, "I don't know how I'm going to tell Stephanie. She calls me everyday on her way home from work, and she knows I had this appointment today. She is going to take this really bad." No one said a word. We all knew how difficult it would be.

Amazingly enough, Sandra asked us if we would mind stopping at a restaurant to have lunch. We were happy to oblige her. I thought to myself, "Is this a good sign? A good appetite might mean that the masses in her stomach and gallbladder weren't anything to worry about."

We ended up at a buffet style restaurant in Camden. Sandra ate very well, which made the rest of us happy. Once we were home, Sandra got in her hospital bed and stayed there the rest of the day.

At about 5:10 p.m. Sandra's phone rang. Kevin and I knew who it was-Stephanie. She was obviously asking about Sandra's appointment. Sandra pretended to have trouble hearing Stephanie.

"Steph, I can't here you, baby. You must be in a bad spot. Hang up and call me back when you get home." Sandra bought herself a few more minutes to get her nerve up to tell Stephanie the news. Within 15 minutes, Kevin's sister had called back, eager to hear all the details.

Sandra told her as gently as she could. It was a good thing we couldn't hear both sides of the conversation because it would have torn our hearts to pieces. Stephanie and Sandra were very close, and this was the most devastating thing imaginable. The only thing we could hear was Sandra bravely trying to tell her daughter the same thing the foreign doctor had told her. "We don't know why, Stephanie, but God does..."

A Time to Weep...To Every Thing a Season chpt. 7

I believe it was a Sunday afternoon. My cellphone rang, and I could see on the called ID that the caller was from Camden, S.C. I was puzzled because I did not recognize the number, and it certainly wasn't any of our family members. I had a dreaded fear that it was the hospital.

To my surprise, it was one of Sandra's close friends, Linda. I was stunned to hear her voice, and it immediately concerned me why she would be calling. She was one of Sandra's best friends and the host of Stephanie's outdoor wedding. After the hellos, I could tell she was very concerned.

"Rita, I don't know if you and Kevin know this, but Sandra has an appointment on Wednesday. It would be so good if you both went with her, so that you could ask questions. Jackie is so exhausted, and you know, he's not very good at asking questions. I just think you all would understand more about what might be going on with Sandra if you went to the appointment with her."

Linda was doing this behind Sandra and Jackie's back. Linda, full of charm and southern drawl, had a way of appealing to a person. I always enjoyed her company, and it was very comforting to talk to her about Sandra's unusual problems.

Kevin sat across from me at his office desk while I talked to Linda. I relayed all that she said, and we told her that we would arrive in Camden on Tuesday afternoon to take Sandra to the doctor. Typically, Kevin doesn't like to miss services at our Church unless he is preaching somewhere else. With Sandra being so ill, he wanted to do as much as he could to be there for her.

So, the plans were to leave Tuesday afternoon. Kevin took the remainder of the week off at work, and I loaded up the kids school books, hoping that I would be able to get some work done with them. All the while, I had an unsettled feeling in my heart. Maybe deep down inside I knew the appointment was going to be bad news, but for some reason, I kept thinking this was going to be a routine post-surgery follow up visit. But when we arrived at Sandra's, I learned that her appointment was with an oncologist.

An oncologist....was it because they did a mammogram and just had to send her to the most logical place? Or was there already suspicion in the minds of the doctors? Jackie was worried to death, and Sandra was defeated.

When we arrived and saw her for the first time since her second back surgery, we were heart broken at how pitiful she looked. She sat in a wheelchair with her head hung low. She was happy to see us but remained eerily silent. The most talking she did was to the grandchildren, who always bring an infectious joy to grandparents.

So much had changed in her home. Her house always resembled something out of a Southern Living Magazine. She had extravagant taste in home furnishings and lavished every room with her personal touch of flair, paying attention to even the tiniest detail. No matter how often we visited, there was always something new in her home. This time, that something new was a hospital bed in the living room.

I nearly gasped. For me, hospital beds in a home scream death. It signifies an attempt at comfort when there is little to be found. Not only was there a hospital bed, but there was also a bed side potty. One of her sofa tables was cleared of it's beautiful decorations and replaced with at least a dozen medications, hand sanitizer, and toilet paper. I just couldn't believe what I was looking at.

I held back my initial reaction, but deep inside it was all becoming clear. Sandra was very sick. She and Jackie had held back from us; they didn't want us to worry. But it was all very clear to me.

We told Sandra that I would be going to the doctor appointment with her. She looked up from the floor and said, "Really? Ok. That'll be good." We had planned for Kevin to stay with the children, but in light of all we were seeing, Kevin decided that both of us needed to go. Since my sister lives in Camden, she offered to watch the kids.

Kevin was worried, but much like his mother, he said very little. We managed to get through supper, but while we were tidying up the kitchen, Jackie came to us. He was trembling and teary eyed.

"Y'all....I don't know how to thank you...I could not handle tomorrow by myself...uh....I am so thankful that you two came to help us out with the appointment."

In between his words, he kept coughing and clearing his throat. He so desperately needed to go to Duke. He was on oxygen 24/7, and he had trouble telling us what he had to say. Partly because of tears. Partly because he was gasping for breath.

A little while later, Jackie took me aside. He said, "Sandra told me this morning, 'Jackie, you know I'm not going to make it.' She thinks she has bone cancer. Rita, it may be worse than that."

Later that evening, after we had put the kids to bed, Kevin and I sat in Sandra and Jackie's bedroom talking. As we were getting ready for bed, my husband picked up his Bible and began reading it. I crawled into bed beside him. My heart was about to burst. I had been wanting to cry all afternoon, but I dared not do it front of Sandra.

"Kevin...I'm worried." I started weeping. He reached over and put his arm around me, saying, "It's going to be alright."

"No, Kevin. She is in bad shape. Do you understand where we are taking her tomorrow? Do you understand that it's an oncologist she is seeing tomorrow? She has cancer...it has to be..."

Kevin soothed my crying as best he could, but the darkness of the night just made the reality of what was going on that much worse. I cried long into the night. Long after Kevin fell asleep. Long after Sandra dozed off in her hospital bed. All that could be heard was the sound of Jackie's oxygen machine and the rhythmic burst of air being sent through his oxygen tube.

All was dark. Around me. Inside me. I begged God to please let Sandra be alright.

Up to this point, I had never lost anyone so close to me. My grandparents had died, but at their age, it was bound to happen. Sandra was only 57. And she was the mother-in-law people hope for. She had always respected our home and never over stepped her boundaries. When she did insert her opinion, it always seemed appropriate in timing and manner.

She always bought the children's Easter clothes, and many times gave us money to help us along. When she bought new furniture, we usually ended up with her old. For us, it was always nicer than what we had. She always made me feel like her daughter, not her daughter in law. The only person I was closer to was my own mother.

The minutes and hours ticked by slowly that night. I barely slept at all. It was fine with me though. I didn't want to go to the appointment. I didn't want to hear what I already knew to be true.

A Time to Tear Down...To Every Thing a Season chpt. 6

It had been a terrible week of therapy for Sandra. One incident in particular caused a huge problem. Sandra had called for a nurse to help her to the bathroom (her bedside portable). After trying to get a nurse for over an hour, Sandra soiled herself. When the nurse finally came, my mother in law was humiliated and degraded as the nurse fussed about having to clean Sandra. The nurse snapped, "Can't you get up and walk?!?!?"

Sandra snapped back, "If I could I wouldn't lay here in my own mess! Seven weeks ago I was up walking around just like you!"

When the nurse got Sandra up to clean the bed linens, she dropped Sandra. Needless to say, when I talked to Sandra, I was livid. Here was a dignified woman reduced to soiling herself and being totally helpless.

When I called the day of the incident, I promised Sandra that I would fix it all. I couldn't hardly see straight; I was so mad! I immediately called Kevin. He was furious! I gave him the number to the facility, but he was much too angry to call. I obliged him and called myself. Within an hour, I had the President of the facility on the phone. I expressed to him in no uncertain terms that my mother-in-law had been treated with less dignity than a dog at the pound. I complained about the fact that Sandra had not been given any water/beverage or food at all that day, even after a therapy session. I reminded him that if she were a dog, someone would be going to jail for cruelty to animals. I also told him that the nurse that had mistreated Sandra better not ever attend to her again. As professionally as I knew how, I told him an earful! I tried not to lose my cool or my testimony, but I made sure he knew that we were more than displeased.

Within an hour of our conversation, the President of the facility was in Sandra's room offering a personal apology. He also conveyed to Sandra and Jackie that the nurse had been permanently relieved of her duties. The rest of Sandra's stay was much better, certainly much more professional.

During Sandra's stint at the rehabilitation center, the pathology report from her surgery had come back as negative. That was a relief to all of us. However, shortly after the incident with the nurse, Sandra started having the pain in her arm again. The doctors decided that another X-ray was needed. It turned out that Sandra had another cracked vertebrae in the cervical area. It answered the question of the reoccurring pain in her left arm, but it also left more questions for the doctors. Two vertebra, it was no coincidence. There had to be a reason for her to have two cracked vertebra. They immediately ordered a mammogram and a CT scan.

Meanwhile, they planned to send Sandra home and arranged for a physical therapist to come to her house. The new cracked vertebrae would have to be operated on before she would be released. It all was decided so fast that Kevin and I weren't able to plan to be there. One day she's stable, the next day she's having another back surgery. Fortunately, the second one was much less invasive. The only thing left for us to do was wait for the results. Sandra and Jackie put on such brave faces it was hard for us to know what to expect. And then, we had an unexpected phone call that gave us much needed direction.

A Time to Build Up....To Every Thing a Season chpt. 5

We were weaving through Columbia lunch hour traffic, trying to make sense of the Mapquest directions we had printed out. Lexington Medical Center, located in West Columbia, was the hospital that performed Sandra's back surgery. We had never been there, and like most directions that you really need to be accurate, Mapquest had goofed the exit number. Fortunately, the billboards along the interstate pointed us right to the hospital.

Kevin had decided not to let Jackie or Sandra know we were coming until we were almost there. They would certainly try to talk us out of it, and that would be futile. Kevin's sister Stephanie was also coming the next day, which was also kept a secret.

When we were close to Irmo, Kevin called Jackie to let him know we were almost there. We were running a little late, so by the time we called, Sandra was already out of recovery. Jackie gave Sandra the phone. The first thing out of her groggy mouth was, "I'm gonna beat your behind, Kevin! Gas is over $2.00 a gallon!" Kevin laughed and told his Mom that it was worth every penny and that he wanted to be there for her. He told her how he had hoped to be there before she made it out of recovery, but true to his persona, he was late.

After a few minutes, Kevin gave me the phone. Jackie wanted to tell me how to get to Sandra's room once we got to the hospital. After he gave me the directions, I asked a few more questions about the surgery.

"So, what did the Doctor determine about her cracked vertebrae? Have they fixed the problem? Will this stop her pain?" I said.

"Oh, yeah. It will. They did say that the vertebrae was mushy...whatever that means. They are running tests on it, but I suspect that everything is fine," Jackie said.

It struck me immediately. Mushy?? How in the world did her vertebrae get "mushy"?

I told Kevin about it, and he, too, thought it was strange. Once we got to the hospital, all of that was forgotten. We were thrilled to see Sandra looking so good after surgery. She was coherent, alert. It was hard to believe that she had just had surgery. The grandchildren piled on her bed. She made a big fuss about us driving all that way to be there for her surgery, but she couldn't hide her joy once we were there.

After a short while of visiting, Sandra dozed off. While she was resting, the nurse came in to check her vital signs. Everything was looking good. But when the nurse asked Sandra to wiggle her toes, she couldn't. The nurse asked Sandra if she could feel her hand touching her foot. She couldn't feel that, either.

No real worries. The spinal block had not worn off. The nurse assured us that this was completely normal. As the nurse finished her exam, I thought to myself, "That would be horrible, to be one of the few people that never recover the feeling in their legs." I brushed it off; it was too morbid to think about.

As the day wore on, the nurses kept focusing on the feeling in her feet. After a few hours, Sandra could feel, but she couldn't move. Again, we were reassured that this was completely normal and that within a day or so, she would regain her mobility.

That afternoon as Sandra was resting, she woke up to an excruciating pain in her left arm. She was howling in pain. We called for the nurse, who immediately came in and repositioned her arm. The pain went away instantly. We were amazed at how quickly the pain subsided. However, the pain in her arm kept reoccurring. No one seemed to have an answer.

The next day, Stephanie came up for the weekend. By this time, Sandra was able to move her legs. We were relieved that all was normal. But we were in for a shock when the nurses came to get Sandra up to walk. She could not stand up. Her legs just buckled underneath her. The reassurances came again. We really wanted to believe the nurses, and I guess we did. Kevin and I had to return home on Saturday, and at that point, Sandra still had not been able to stand up.

We called daily, and still, she could not stand up. Her legs had feeling, they just didn't have any stength, so said the doctors. After about a week and a half in Lexington Medical Center, they moved Sandra to a companion rehabilitation facility that would help her build up her strength in her legs. The doctors suggested several weeks of physical therapy/rehabilitation.

Sandra was very unhappy with the outcome. The family kept trying to build her up, encourage her. Kevin and I called her everyday, hoping to hear some cheer in her voice. On the contrary, she was depressed and defeated. One day, she asked me how it was possible to walk into the hospital for surgery and not be able to walk out. She was convinced that she would never walk again. I didn't have any answers for her. I couldn't understand it either. I was becoming convinced that the surgery on her vertebrae had caused irreversible damage to the nerves to her legs. I didn't say that to Sandra. I kept telling her that the physical therapy would help her.

Sandra had missed so much work that she no longer had any personal time to compensate for her pay. I placed a few calls to the Human Resources department at her county job to see how to keep her insurance in place since she wasn't receiving a paycheck. Once that was squared away, Sandra felt a little more secure about her job and her hopes to return after she was well again.

It had been nearly seven weeks since the surgery, and the rehabilitation facility was growing old for Sandra. She was ready to go home. But home was a long way away. And once there, it wouldn't hold the same comforts.

A Time to Rend...To Every Thing a Season chpt. 4

We were getting used to our new "home." The church basement was already set up with a couple of bedrooms (Prophet's chambers) and two bathrooms, so we had enough space to make us somewhat comfortable. The fellowship hall housed the kitchen, so we just took the other end of the fellowship hall and made it our living room.We never anticipated staying there very long. In fact, we had been looking at other houses, just trying to find the right one. Our plans were soon to change.

Labor Day weekend, we decided to go bowling again. Bowling had become one of our favorite past times, and since we didn't have a house payment while we were living at the church, we had the extra money to go more often. On Labor Day, we had decided to sleep in and keep our plans at a minimal.

While we were having lunch, Kevin's cell phone rang. Kevin ran to the bedroom to grab his phone, but by the time he finally got to it, he had missed the call. He could see that his missed call was from his Aunt Linda and Uncle Tommy. My heart sank.

Kevin quickly pressed the call back button, knowing that something serious had to be wrong. Linda and Tommy never called us. It was very unusual, and we were trying to figure out if something was wrong with Sandra, Jackie, or Grandma.

Tommy answered the phone. After the hellos, Tommy said, "Kevin, your momma is in the hospital. Her back pain became so severe Jackie had to take her to the ER. They are keeping her because it looks like she is going to need surgery. She's going to be transferred to Columbia later today."

We were relieved that everyone was "all right," but we were surprised to hear how bad Sandra's back had become. Surgery?? She said very little about her back pain the last time we had called. The queen of silver linings was holding information back from us.

Later that afternoon, we were able to get Jackie on his cell phone. The doctors would be making a decision by the next day on what course of action and which surgery would be best for Sandra. Like most people, we reacted negatively to the prospect of back surgery. My own sister has had two back surgeries with NO success. But once we talked to Sandra, we knew that she must have felt that it was absolutely necessary, as she had always been opposed to it as well. She said that all she wanted was to get out of pain and that she was willing to do whatever it would take to make that happen.

It was set. She would have surgery on Thursday, three days after Labor Day. Kevin decided right away that he would take off work and be by his mother's bedside when she awoke from her surgery.

We made our plans and said our prayers. We wanted to support Sandra and Jackie during this time. Jackie was waxing worse, and Sandra was feeling like she was to blame for Jackie not going to Duke. We wanted to help with any of their burdens that we possibly could, even if being over 200 miles away made it difficult. Kevin took a couple of days off work, and we were off to Columbia, just hoping we would be the first ones to see Sandra when she came out of the recovery room.

A Time to Heal...To Every Thing a Season chpt. 3

The closing of our house had been delayed about 3 times. We were beginning to wonder if it would ever happen. It was August, and we were growing antsy. We told our realtor to continue showing our house while the buyer was getting his financing straightened out. We wanted to be patient, but we also wanted to keep our options open. Finally, at the end of August, we closed on the house. It was a joyous occasion! We decided that we would celebrate by taking our children bowling. A large group from our church ended up going along. We had a great time of fun and fellowship.

August brought a lot of ups and downs for us. The closing of the house, the trouble at church...it was very difficult. My husband was under an untold amount of pressure with the issues of the families that left. We had so many unanswered questions, and no one but God who could answer them. Sometimes He answered. Sometimes He was silent. It was an emotional time for our children as well. After all, their friends left when the parents left. In a small church like ours, it feels like a divorce when people leave. You remember all the good times and wonder why it had to change. I still don't have all the answers, but I do have the peace I need.

One day, I called Sandra to see how her recent ortho appointment went. She was exuberant! The tissue in her finger was growing back. The finger that was once black and dead was now pink and alive. Her surgeon was amazed. In fact he told Sandra, "I don't care where I am or what I am doing, if you ever see me, I want you to show me your finger again. All of my medical textbooks say that your finger should have been amputated. I just can't believe what I'm looking at today!"

Sandra had experienced a miracle! And it gave her so much hope. She had been able to return to work for a little while, but her back was still a huge problem. Pain medication was necessary, and she found it difficult to do without it. Still, she felt as if the spine specialist would be able to help her.

If she could just get her back problem resolved, Jackie would be free to go to Duke. He wouldn't leave her at home in the condition she was in. Sandra was constantly pressing Jackie to set up the initial visit at Duke, but he kept putting it off. She thought he was just trying to let the whole thing go, give up, in a way. But really, his procrastination kept him by Sandra's side when she needed him the most.

A Time to Plant...To Every Thing a Season chpt. 2

July had come so quickly! All the wedding pandemonium had died down, and Sandra was back to her regular routine. She loved yard work, as was evident when you drove up to her home. Her yard was meticulously landscaped. She had all kinds of concrete statuary, plants, flowers...she really knew how to make a yard a haven. She was never gaudy or chintzy; she was "classy" all the way!

Kevin and I were going through some pretty big changes in our lives. We had put our home on the market nearly a year prior to this time. At the beginning of July, we had finally had a buyer. With a contract on our home, we moved into the basement of our church. It allowed us more time and liberty with moving our things, especially since the buyers wanted to close in only 19 days.

We had also experienced tremendous difficulty in the ministry. We had a couple of families leave the church, which absolutely broke our hearts. There were lies and deception, but there was also just plain old misunderstandings that led up to this. It was very trying, but little did I know that darker days were ahead. I can remember feeling like I would die; my heart literally hurt. I wanted to scream out to the whole world, but I was silenced by the ache of knowing that it would do no good. People will think what they will and do what they will. All I could do was pray and keep myself right with the Lord. That wasn't easy because I held so much resentment towards the ones that left. It took a long time before I could pray, I mean really pray, for those that left. The Lord has given me victory in that area, and God alone knows that I really love them. But during this time, it was devestating. And it only compounded the grief that was in store for us.

One day while living at the church, Sandra called Kevin. She had been planting flowers and was moving one of the huge planters across her patio. She had taken on more than she could handle. As she was rolling the planter on it's side, (it was much too heavy for even a man to pickup by himself) her index finger on her right hand was accidentally crushed underneath. Fortunately, her husband Jackie was home. He heard her screams and ran outside to see what in the world was wrong. He took her to the local emergency room. I'm not sure how many stitches it required, but the ER doctor told Sandra to see an orthopaedic surgeon immediately. The tissue in her finger was dead, and amputation was almost certain.

As she talked with Kevin, she sounded so frail and weak. Of course she had been in a great deal of pain, but she sounded so helpless, in need of a miracle. He promised to pray that her finger would heal. It was a long shot. Her ortho surgeon, who was a classmate and high school friend of Kevin's, said that it was doubtful and tried to prepare Sandra for the worst. The pain was so severe, she missed weeks of work. Fortunately, she had plenty of personal time to take off, but it was frustrating to Sandra to miss work over a finger. But as a county real estate appraiser, she made great use of her hands. Her time off simply couldn't be helped.

Not only did Sandra inform Kevin of her finger, she informed him that her back was bothering her. She said she had been seeing a chiropractor for the back pain, but she wasn't getting any relief. She told us that she was scheduled to see a spine specialist in Columbia, SC with the hopes that her problem would soon be resolved.

After Kevin got off the phone with his Mom, he decided that it was time to take a trip to Camden. We visited around the third week in July. Her finger was all bandaged up, still threatened with amputation. By the time we made our trip, Sandra had visited the spine specialist and was wearing a brace.

Her back was now as big of an issue as her finger. X-Rays had determined that she had a cracked vertebrae around the lumbar region. Sandra had fallen down the steps of her back porch earlier in the winter, but didn't think there was any problem as a result. The doctor believed that her fall had broken her vertebrae. He said it wasn't uncommon to not experience pain or problems until months later.

Sandra was always an encouraging person to be around. She wouldn't let you mope and think the worst. I always called her "Mrs. Silver Lining." She was superb at pointing out the things to be grateful for, even when circumstances said otherwise. But, I could tell she was very down. She had always been in good health, so dealing with pain and physical problems of her own were new to her. Her husband Jackie was a different story; he was suffering from Pulmonary Fibrosis and Emphysema. In fact, just a few weeks prior to Sandra's planting accident, Jackie had taken a fall that resulted in a cracked rib. When the hospital ran the x-rays, his lungs were so scarred, the film was completely black. His pulmonologist gave him the ultimatum: have a double lung transplant or die a very ugly death.

Needless to say, Sandra wanted to get well so that Jackie could take his much needed trip to Duke University. She tried to get better, even if it was only a mental improvement. She knew Jackie needed her to be well before he could get new lungs. That was her goal; get better so Jackie could get better. The only problem was, Jackie was worse than we knew. And so was Sandra.

To Every Thing a Season....A Time to Dance

Today is my mother-in-law's birthday. Had she survived the widespread cancer that consumed her body, she would have celebrated her 61st birthday today. Unfortunately, we lost her almost three years ago. I personally have never seen someone suffer as much as Sandra did. It was horrible to watch; little did we know that we would lose her so fast.

I want to tell the story of how it happened, how we coped, and how we dealt with all the issues that come along with a terminal illness. I wish I had a different story to tell, but this is it. During the year prior to Sandra's death, it felt like we went through a lifetime of seasons. Joy, pain, love, disappointment...but I want to start off my story with a happy time. So, here's "A Time to Dance." I hope you will follow on this journey. I'll add a new "chapter" every few days.

A Time to Dance

It started out to be such a gloomy day, not the beautiful day you'd hope for with a wedding planned. April 9, 2005- Stephanie's wedding day. My sister in law had decided on an outdoor wedding. The skies threatened rain, but by the time the Bridal Brunch was over, the sun was starting to break through the clouds. By 1:00 p.m. (only two hours before the wedding), there was no trace of any clouds. Sandra breathed a sigh of relief. Everything would go as planned.

The wedding took place outdoors at a family friend's house. The yard was beautiful! Azaleas in full bloom, gorgeous landscaping. The house was in a lakeside neighborhood, making the "beach theme" for the wedding a gleaming success. I have to say, my mother-in-law spared no expense. Everything was done to her normal perfection standard. A canoe held ice chilled glass bottles filled with flavored soda. The unity candle was a tiki torch adorned with layers of ribbons. The food was exquisite, consisting of seafood galore. The "aisle" the bride walked was soft white sand, and the entire bridal party was barefooted. Stephanie was married under a gazebo lit by torches. The private lake in the background...it was really a sight to behold!

The wedding went off without a hitch. Not only did the bride look beautiful, so did the mother of the bride. She looked fantastic! Sandra was elated that all her hard work was behind her, and that everything had gone so smoothly.

After the presentation of the new couple, the bride was led to the "dance floor." There to the side of the yard was a parquet floor for the new couple to have their first dance. They danced a slow waltz, and everyone just gazed at how happy they looked. James, my father-in-law, stepped up behind the groom and tapped his shoulder. It was time for the bride to dance with her father. Okay, I'm not one for dancing, but I couldn't help but cry. It was a very classy moment, very touching. Soon, the groom was dancing with his mother, then Sandra. Again, very touching. There they were, waltzing with their parents...it just touched me so. No one else in the bridal party danced, just the bride and groom and their parents. It was really something to see...all of the guests were silently watching from the deck of the house, looking down at this beautiful couple and their parents. For Stephanie and Brad, it was a time to dance. A time to rejoice. A new life, a new journey.

The reception followed the dance. Everyone mingled, laughed, and talked. We were enjoying the 70 degree weather and taking in the breathtaking surroundings. Sandra and her husband Jackie were glowing! My mother-in-law's heart was as light as a feather. The whole family shared in the joy of the occasion, but Sandra was beaming.

Soon, we all said goodbye to the newlyweds. Night had fallen, and Brad and Stephanie were ushered through a line of guests holding sizzler fire sticks. After they left, Kevin and I talked with his mom and Jackie for a little while then headed home ourselves.

The following Tuesday I called Sandra to see how she was doing. She sounded absolutely wore out. She informed me that she didn't even get out of PJ's on Monday and that she had done very little on Tuesday. With all of her work on the wedding, that was completely understandable. Kevin and I commended her on the wedding and we promised her we would visit soon. Before we knew it, summer had arrived.

Type A Influenza

Well, I'm crawling out from under my rock to let the blogosphere know that the Whitman crew has Type A Influenza.

I have been running a fever since Thursday, but on Sunday, I knew I had the flu. The kiddies, especially Savannah, started getting sick over the weekend. I feel horrible, just like everyone else who has the flu. The bad part is, we are having a difficult time trying to find a pharmacy that has Relenza in stock. Tamiflu won't touch what we have, and it seems that every pharmacy in North Georgia has a shortage of the inhaler flu medication.

We took Daniel to the Dr. this morning. Since he's the sickest and since his arthritis comes into play, we thought it best to get him looked at right away. They couldn't see him Monday, but the Dr. office scheduled him for 8:30 am this morning. Dr. Sam was kind enough to write the entire family perscriptions for Relenza so that we all won't have to be seen. Dr. Sam is a good, old fashioned doctor, and it really helps us out when he does things like this! He said that Daniel was the fifth case of the flu that he had seen this season and that it's just now hitting the schools. There's about to be a tidal wave of Relenza seekers!!

Anyway, my dear hubby is out (hopefully) getting the prescriptions filled. Kroger said they have it, but with only two left, he's hoping he gets there before anyone else. It's about a 15 minute drive, so I'm hoping he'll make it. Since Jordan and Savannah aren't running fevers anymore, we are only filling the prescriptions for me and Dan. Hubby needs his too, but he still thinks he's invincible! ;->

When we are better, we will post more. Until then, rest is the best thing I can do!!

Taxes Done!!

I'm way ahead of the game.

Way ahead.

Remember, I just had my 2007 taxes done less than four months ago. And now I have already had my 2008 returns done and e-filed. What a blessing!!

I spent about 9 hours last Friday getting my bank statements together. I had already done 5 months worth if that gives you any clue as to how long it takes to pour through my statements. I spent another 4 hours Saturday getting my expense receipts organized. But at last, I finished my end of my tax preparations at around 6:30 p.m. Saturday.

What exactly are you looking for when you are "pouring" through your statements, you might be asking?? Deductions that only the clergy can claim. Our records of payments for cellphone bills, utilities, gas purchases made on my debit card, etc. Of course, this whole process would be much easier if I would just do this this at the end of every month instead of waiting until the end of the year. ;~>

Anyway, my accountant Madeline is great! She specializes in Ministry taxes and is worth the hour and a half drive. It's only once a year, and I enjoy the yearly "catch me up" chat we always end up having.

After about 5 hours at the accountants office, I managed to hit the afternoon commute traffic in Atlanta. Lucky me. And it gets worse. While sitting in traffic, I started feeling achy. I felt like I couldn't make it home but knew I had a long way to go. I happened to have a thermometer with me in my SUV, and sure enough, I was running a fever. We had about a dozen people out of Church last night due to the flu, so I hope that's not what I've got.

I prayed for God to please let me get home. After 2 hours of stop and go traffic, I finally made it back, and not a moment too soon. As soon as I got home, I began having chills and an extremely sore throat. The fever finally broke, but I still feel lousy. Thanks to blog spot's scheduling feature, I will be snoozing peacefully in bed by the time this posts on Friday morning. I need rest right now. Not the flu.

Hoping to feel better soon. February is a month near and dear to me. My mother in law, who passed away three years ago, would have been 60 on February 17Th. I plan to write about our family's journey into the dreaded diagnosis of cancer and how we fought, prayed, loved, laughed, but in the end, ultimately lost a dear family member. More on that later. For now, sweet sleep for Mrs. Rita.

The Million Dollar Project

We have a new math project going on right now for children. Here's the breakdown:

The have One Million Dollars. The have to document how they will spend it down to the last penny. And yes, they have to spend every penny. They can invest in stocks or CD's, but they can not tuck "money" away under the matress. It has to be spent. Not a penny over and not a penny under.

For instance, when they shop for their house, they have to actually find a house on the GAMLS that they want to buy and provide that listing number. If they want a car, they have to provide the dealership and include taxes. If they want a mountain bike, they have to give the brand, model, add tax, shipping if applicable, etc. They can give to charity, buy a luxury vacation, etc. But they have to spend every single penny, but not a penny more. They also have to make a chart showing the house, car, and other items to show how they spent their One Million.

What I'm looking for here is responsible spending, creativity, consumer math skills, and how much self restraint my children will exercise. My sixth grade daughter will not be required to invest, but the boys will. After all, you buy shares!

They have one week to complete this project. I can't wait to see how this turns out! Next month's math project will be to manage a household budget on a set amount of money. They are actually looking forward to that!!

Out of Commission and Other News

It's been over a week since my last post. We've been out of commission. All of us, except for my dear hubby, had a wicked cold. Miserable, that's what we were. It was so draining. We just laid around, coughed, sneezed, ached, etc. Fortunately, no fevers. Unfortunately, some of our close friends have children that have just been diagnosed with the flu. YIKES! I hope that's not coming next.

We were able to spend last evening over at the Smith's house. They are a couple in our church, and we had such a great time of fellowship. We laughed until our sides hurt! The ladies played the piano, and the gents drank coffee and played XBOX. Then we all sat around in the keeping room and told stories, laughed, and just had an old fashioned good time by the fire. Thank you Darrell and Tina. The food was great, but the fellowship was better!

School is back on track, sort of. My oldest son Daniel seems to be having some problems with his arthritis and it always slows him down. Since he has started bicycling, he has incorporated some really good stretches, but I still have to "stretch" him to make sure he doesn't become stiff as cement. His neck is the worse and is already stiff as a board. It takes a lot of stretching, medication, and time to regain his mobility. We had hoped he would outgrow this, but as he gets older, his flares seem to get worse.

As for me, I should know something definite about my liver disease and the effects of my medications in another week or two. I'm afraid it won't be the news I'd like to hear, but I know my LORD has already spoken the word and given the comfort. If I have to come of the medications for my IC, I will stand in great need of His grace to deal with the pain of my condition, yet there is sufficient grace to help me cross that bridge when I come to it.

I sometimes wonder if others think, "Wow. She must be under the judgment of God with all those health problems." That's easy to think, I'm sure. It's probably even human nature. I suppose it was about 12 years ago I wondered the same thing about myself...have I done something wrong? Is the Lord punishing me for some wrong that I have failed to admit or refused to repent of. I spent a few months searching myself because I couldn't really believe that God would let someone so young have so many problems and it NOT be a case of judgment.

But I found out different. In my prayer closet, the God of Heaven showed me that His main interest in my health was to conform me to the image of His dear Son. His body was broken beyond mine...yet he fulfilled the Father's will.

Every new health problem that arises, I have to check myself again. And so should we all. I have seen others fall ill of some dreaded disease or illness, and wondered if their illness was a result of God's judgment. And then I know-I know without a doubt- it rains on the just and the unjust. Bad people are well. Good people are ill. It's just a natural part of life. With God, illness can bring a miracle. Or, it can bring much grace. For me, it has brought much grace.

I can't complain about the lack of a miracle when I have enjoyed so much grace, can I?? No. I can't. I won't.