A Time to Speak...To Every Thing A Season chpt. 9

It had been an emotionally draining day. Kevin and I had already explained to our children that their grandma was very ill and that she may die. We never expected that we would have to explain that to everyone else, but we were called upon to do so.

Shortly after we arrived home from the Oncology Center, Jackie approached Kevin and me in the master bedroom. Again, he was trembling and struggling to get his words out.

"Kevin....buddy....I'm sorry for you and your momma...but I don't know what I would have done without y'all today." Jackie let himself lean into Kevin's embrace, and they both cried. Jackie, not being one for tears or excessive emotions, quickly pulled himself together and said, "I need y'all's help." He paused, wiping his wet, red face.

"Somebody has got to talk to all of Sandra's friends and tell them what's going on...I just can't do it," he said as he whimpered into another sob. I assured Jackie that I would take care of all the calls. I knew this was going to be a monumental task because she had an enormous group of friends.

"Another thing...someone has to tell Grandma,"he said. That task was for one person and one person alone-Kevin. "I'll tell Grandma, Jackie, but I don't want to tell her over the phone. I'd rather go see her and tell her in person, " Kevin said. We decided right then that we would drive to Cheraw on Friday to tell Sandra's mother the news. Jackie had agreed to tell Sandra's brother Tommy and his wife Linda. They were constantly in touch with Jackie and Sandra, so Jackie felt at ease with them.

Jackie made it clear: do not let Sandra tell her friends. She was discouraged and defeated enough without having to relive the diagnosis every time the phone rang. The only person she was "allowed" to tell was Stephanie, and she had already taken care of that. The rest was left to me and Kevin.

I was glad to be of some assistance. Jackie's burden was heavy enough. But every time I talked to one of Sandra's friends, and there were many, it was dreadful. Everyone was shocked. Many cried. Some asked, "How did she get cancer?" as if she picked it up like a germ in the grocery store. I didn't have those kind of answers. Neither did the doctors.

I didn't like being the one that gave the bad news, but I did enjoy speaking to so many of Sandra's friends. It was wonderful to see how many people loved her. She had lived in the same town for over 35 years and worked at the same place for over 25 years. A person makes a lot of life time friends when her roots are that deep. The phone rang non stop for the first 48 hours after "the appointment." Neighbors, friends, co-workers, church members-everyone wanted to know what the doctor said and what the prognosis was. Some even whispered into the phone, "Rita, do you think she's gonna make it?" I couldn't give an answer.

Within the next few days, Sandra started radiation. Unfortunately, she had to travel to West Columbia every day for her treatments. It was so exhausting for her. The drive was an hour long one way and the treatment was an hour as well. It was particularly difficult for Sandra to lay still for the MRI's they needed for successful radiation therapy. Two back surgeries made the pain of laying flat on her back excruciating.

Friday came to soon. Laden with an enormous amount of dread Kevin and I went to see his Grandma. It was an hour drive, but it seemed like it only took 10 minutes. We both prayed while we traveled, knowing that this would devastate Grandma. My heart hurt for Kevin. I hated every second of what he was having to go through, yet there was nothing I could do to stop it, nothing I could do to change it.

When we arrived in Cheraw, Grandma came out of her house, ready to greet us as she always does. She assumed that it was just a regular visit since we were already visiting Sandra. When she didn't she the children she asked us where they were. "It's just me and Rita today, Grandma."

"Uggghhh!!!! Why??? I want to see my Grand babies!!" She wasn't happy.

"I know. But me and Rita wanted to see you and talk to you a little bit, " Kevin said, trying to sooth her obvious anger. We both hugged her, and we both could feel her tension and aggravation. She wanted to know why the Grandchildren weren't there.

We went inside and to her den. Kevin asked Grandma to sit down on the couch beside him, and I sat in a chair across from them.

"I sure wish you would have brought the babies," Grandma said.

"I know, but we wanted to talk to you about Momma."

"Oh? What about her? She's alright isn't she?"

"Well, you know she went to the doctor on Tuesday." She nodded yes. "Well, Rita and I went with her and the doctor had some bad news Grandma."

I sat there watching my husband tell his Grandmother that her daughter was facing a very grim diagnosis. He explained the possibility of there being three separate cancers and the probability of it being breast cancer metastasized to her spine.

Grandma's face was contorted into a frame of horror. She suddenly looked blankly at Kevin as if she didn't know him or anything he was saying. And within seconds, her shoulders and head dropped like a child whose balloon had slipped out of his hand. Her hands slowly came up to her face and she began to weep. More tears, more embraces, more love. That's all we could do for each other.

I looked at Kevin and Olivia, that's Grandma's name (though no one calls her anything but Grandma), and I thought about how cruel cancer had been to their family. Of course, cancer is cruel to everyone it touches, but Grandma's husband Frances had lung cancer and emphysema, both being the ultimate cause of Granddaddy's death. Kevin also has a cousin, Wendy, who is a two time survivor of breast cancer. Wendy has had to endure radical treatment, but she has survived. Her story is particularly heartbreaking, especially to Grandma, because Wendy endured this battle at the young age of 24, then again at 34. Now Olivia was seeing her daughter slip into the clutches of this dreaded disease.

It took a while for Grandma to calm down. Kevin being the only grandson, he holds Grandma's heart in his hand. He was a great comfort to her. We spent the afternoon with Grandma and tried to have as good of a day as possible.

The time came when we had to head back to Georgia. As much as we hated to leave Sandra and Jackie, we had to get home. We planned to come back the following week. Sandra was scheduled to have her breast biopsy the following week on the 8th, and we wanted to be there for that. Amazingly enough, the Oncology Center she visited in Columbia had a satellite office at the Kershaw County Hospital located in Camden, so all of Sandra's follow up appointments with the oncologist could be done in Camden.

It was pretty much the same each time...leave Georgia on Tuesday and come back on Saturday night. We didn't go every week, but we tried to go as much as possible. On our way back to Georgia we talked about all we needed to do to make ourselves available to Sandra and Jackie.

Kevin and I had planned a trip to Tybee Island for Thanksgiving. We wanted to have a non traditional Thanksgiving so we reserved an ocean front hotel room and planned to take the children to the coast for the long holiday weekend. In light of all that was going on, we decided that we needed to change our plans. We were so afraid of never having another Thanksgiving with Sandra and Jackie; we wanted to make the most of the time she had left. We cancelled our reservations for Tybee Island and planned our holidays for Camden.